It Could Have Been Worse. They Could Have Named Her Obama.

Mark Ciptak of Elizabethton, Tennessee, and his wife had decided to name their baby girl Ava Grace, but on the sly Ciptak put another name on the documents for the girl's birth certificate: Sarah McCain Palin. Doggone it, the baby's nickname is gonna be Loser. You betcha!

People Who Are Strongly Considering Changing Their Name

• Michael Palin, British actor, comedian and writer


• Brett Palin, Canadian hockey player


• Leigh Palin, English footballer


• Leo Palin, Finnish tennis player


• Robert Palin, Australian criminal (posthumously)


• Tom Palin, English painter and educator


• Todd Palin, American snowmobile racer and husband of Sarah Palin

The Droppings Are Not Far From The Tree

Genealogy experts at Ancestry.com looked into Sarah Palin's family tree and found that she's distantly related to Princess Diana (tenth cousins) as well as former President Franklin Roosevelt (ninth cousins once removed). Further research into her tree is expected to find that she's also related to Rufus, the Bull Terrier that won the 2006 Best In Show Trophy at the Westminster Kennel Club Show, Rasputin, and Ghenghis Khan.

BTW, It's Nobel, Not Noble

The permanent secretary for the Nobel Prize committee says American writers can't compete with Europe for the coveted award because the United States is "too insular and ignorant." Who's the wiseguy who told them Sarah Palin had written a book?

You Could Be....Nowhere

According to the San Francisco Chronicle, "On her second day in the nation's most populous state, Palin appeared slightly confused as to her location, telling the Peninsula crowd that people are 'wondering what the heck we're doing in California anyway - especially here in Marin County.'" What they were really wonderin' is why the heck she thought she was thirty miles farther north than she was and on the other side of San Francisco and the Golden Gate Bridge.

Like A Moose Caught In The Headlights

Sarah Palin's memory came back. In an interview with Carl Cameron of Fox News, she suddenly remembered a few important Supreme Court decisions and her favorite reading material (and no, it wasn't People, Martha Stewart Living, and Better Homes and Moose Hunting). Thank god her advisers had a fresh batch of ginseng flown in.

And The Winner Is...Wink Wink Nudge Nudge

"Snap snap, grin grin, wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more."

- From Candid Photography by Monty Python's Flying Circus

Six-Pack Sarah Drinking Game

HOW TO PLAY: During tonight's vice-presidential candidate's debate, drink a shot of your favorite liquor each time Sarah says the word "maverick." It's fun, it's easy, and you're certain to be drunk by the end, which will be a good thing.

Pick On Someone Of Your Own Species

If Sarah's so good at huntin' and fishin' and putting meat in the freezer let's not waste her talents. Instead of putting her in the White House let's send her to the Afghan-Pakistan border so she can hunt Osama bin Laden and put him in the freezer.

As A Vice President, She'd Make A Good Journalism Major

When asked by Katie Couric the other night what publications she reads to stay informed, former journalism major Sarah Palin replied, "I've read most of them, again with a great appreciation for the press, for the media." When asked for examples of what newspapers she reads, she replied, "Um, all of them, any of them that have been in front of me all these years," and was unable to name one. Not the New York Times. Not USA Today. Not even the Mat-Su Valley Frontiersman, her hometown newspaper that ran the first and so far only full-length print interview with her since she became a vice-presidential candidate. No wonder she doesn't have time to give many interviews what with reading all of them. Whatever their names are.